soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
