she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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