your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
