i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You ruined the universe
Randomize
