hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
