I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
