did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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