My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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