She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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