i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
