Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
