im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
