I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize