doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
