I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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