Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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