talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
