The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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