Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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