I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
