yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
