so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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