so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
