Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
