That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
