You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
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Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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