I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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