how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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