he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
