The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
