yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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