The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
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