dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
