WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
