there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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