Don't make out with my wife yet
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
