i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
