Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think i got beer on your cat.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize