She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
