Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
