i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
