so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
