I don't usually arrange sex via text message
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
