I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sarcasm needs its own font
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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