A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
