Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
