Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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