The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
