Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
