It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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