Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
