I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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