you guys were way drunker than both of me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we should paint friendship bongs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
