Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
