This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
