I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
