nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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