It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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