so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
