Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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