Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
