guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
