i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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