i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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