i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
