There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
