We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
