I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
